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Yesterday I went on my walk/run.  Actually it turned out to be a walk but it felt wonderful anyway.  I have not been keeping up with my usual schedule.  When I awoke in the morning I had this urge that I just have to get back out into the forest so I went out to the trails.   I felt it was better just to walk rather than try to force myself to run after not running for awhile.   I started out on the usual Ship Canal trail which is one mile.  Usually I walk this 4 times and have been thinking of getting up to doing it for 6 miles, hopefully when the weather gets a little cooler.    It was a beautiful morning, the  temperature was about 71 degrees, there was this wonderful wet forest smell from the rain shower that must have fallen during the night.  It was still partly overcast but you could feel the sun from behind the clouds and parts of the sky was blue with white puffy clouds.  There was this quiet stillness that I love to listen to, this stillness was interrupted sometimes by birds chirping and calling to each other, and the barking of dogs from distant houses.  There was the occasional biker whissing by, a few more than normal since this was a weekend day.

When I got to the little triangle at the end of the trail I had a thought.  Instead of walking around the triangle and going back, what if I went right and went into another part of the trail.  Gopher Loop.  This to me was an adventure.  I walked this way once with a friend but I didn’t remember exactly where it went.  I looked at the sign and it looked like this would loop back to where I was if I made the right turns.  I felt apprehensive but I wanted to see what was down this road so I pushed on.  It was beautiful with pine trees as far as one could see.  It also felt desolate, where were the bikers now.  I  did not tell anyone I was going out to the trails this morning and I thought to myself that this was unwise, what if something should happen.  I felt a little afraid and thought maybe I should go back but going back now felt further away than pushing forward.  It seemed like an endless trail and my mind was playing games with me.

I pushed on.  That seemed to be the best option.  Whenever I am afraid in life I always figure one has to push on and keep going, that seems like the best choice.  See where it goes and how it plays out.  What else can one do.  Going back or retreating does not seem to fix anything.  I put my fears aside, focused on the moment and took in the beauty all around me.  I could feel the sun’s warm heat which felt comforting and the clear air was exhilarating.  Finally another little triangle and the path branched off into other directions.   Which way to go?  I looked at the sign and it gave the name of another loop, but Gopher Loop was not mentioned.  There was a red arrow to the right.   It seemed logical that I should go left but there was nothing on the sign about Gopher anything.  I went left anyway hoping that I was right. 

The trail went on again for what seemed liked many miles, I kept hearing barking dogs in the distance which felt reassuring.  I again focused on the beauty around me to quell my fear.  Again I thought, where are the bikers? It was me, the pine trees and the barking dogs.  Then no more pine trees, the path turned into a winding woodsy area.  My mind was having fun playing with me, I thought of the movie “The Blair Witch Project” about the people lost in the woods, not being able to get out.  Then there was a fire line, I remembered that there was a fire line at the beginning of the trail on the other side.  I figured that this was the same fire line and that would mean I should be getting back to the beginning of the trail, where I started from.  Yes, finally I saw a triangle.  A familiar little triangle with the green bench.  Happy little green bench waiting for me. Yeah! I did Gopher Loop and made it back to ship Canal trail.  I sat on the little green bench for awhile and drank my water which I did not drink till now because all I kept focusing on is hoping to get back.              

This all seems so very funny now but it did not feel funny as I was doing it.  After all I am a city girl and wandering about in the woods by myself is very new to me. As I was sitting on the little green bench many thoughts went through my mind.  I though it is better not to go off the beaten path, but now having done Gopher Loop it was no longer off the beaten path.  Now I discovered a new path. I may not walk it on a regular basis but it is no longer an unkown.     Few  leaves on a tree were red and I thought of the northern woods on a fall day and I was homesick for the colors of fall.  I though about how it must feel like to walk trails up north in the Fall woods.  I used to drive to the mountains when I lived up north and looked at the colors and took pictures but I never ventured out for a walk in the woods.  I though about a lot of things I never ventured to do.  We can’t go back in the past but I hope that maybe someday I will get a chance to walk the northern woods on a fall day. 

A yellow butterfly caught my attention.  I watched it flying by until it disappeared into the woods.  As I was watching it I became aware that I was watching time.  From the moment I saw it until it disappeared into the woods time was passing. I wondered how many things changed in this little moment.  We are all moving through time like this yellow butterfly.

What a thing to think about,  all I wanted to do this morning was to go for a little walk.

A few weeks ago I walked/ran my first 5K.  The Susan G. Komen, Race for the Cure, in Central Florida Sept. 9th., at Walt Disney World of Sports.  It was a beautiful sunny morning, there was no humidity and the temperature seemed cooler than normal. This was probablly due to the recent rains.  It warmed up to the ususal temperatures later in the day, however during the race I felt comfortable.  When I left my house it was still dark and as I was drivng towards Orlando it kept getting lighter and lighter.  Seeing the sunrise was a joy.  I always get a thrill seeing the beauty of a sunrise or sunset.  It seems that one can forget these joys and, as the days go by, let these beautiful moments of nature pass by as we go about our busy lives.  I remember thinking to myself that, once again,  I have let myself be pulled into the day by day chores, and have not taken time to just relax and enjoy the beauty and joy that the simple and quiet moments of life can bring us.  A sunrise, a sunset, a nightime sky, a wagging tail of a dog, a walk in the forest, a friend’s smile, a quiet cup of tea.  These are the moments to be cherished, these are the moments that, for me, make one’s life special.  I am grateful for these moments. 

I remember thinking if nothing else comes of this day, I saw a beautiful sunrise.  So already I won my 5K.  This beautiful sunrise was my medal.    Do we need to have to drive somewhere at 5am to remember to enjoy a sunrise?  I hope not.

I got to my friend’s house and from there we drove to Disney.  I was now getting excited.  It was now getting real.  Up to this point it was a concept, a 5K.  Now here was the actual 5K!  My friend, has run many races and knew exactly what to do.  I am so grateful for her friendship and support,  it made everything easy.  She helped me find the sign-in table, we both got T-shirts.  Which was a nice gesture from the race people since my friend was there to support me and was not running this one.  Everyone was so nice.  It was one big group of people all working together.

Waiting for the race to start seemed endless,  I got on line early as I wanted to be in the front of the walk/run line, and I was.  The runners started 5 minutes before my group, they were lined up in front of us.  There were a lot of people there, a lot of activity going on; music, anouncements,  people gathering,  talking,  people waving, taking pictures.  It was just one big group of energy.  I could feel the energy which translated into excitement.  I was all set to go at 8:05.  It seemed like we would never start and then all at once it was there, the moment was there and then without thinking it was now doing.  I was doing it.

Getting to the first mile marker was interesting.  It seemed to me that I walked many miles till I reached that marker.  It seemed like the longest one mile.  I don’t know why it seemed that way, maybe because we were walking on an actual road that was blocked off.  I had the feeling that if my car broke down I could be walking this road looking for assistance.  I actually thought of that. Then there were the seemingly endless group of people before me.  Looking down the road there seemed to be hundreds and hundreds of people in front of me.  I felt I would never get to the point were they where.  I could never catch up to them.  They were always there in front of me.  I kept walking and running and yet these people up front were still there.  However there were an even greater number of people in back of me.  I glanced backward,  there seemed to be at least twice as many people in back of me then in front of me.  Now I kept thinking of the people in back of me.  Were they all going to pass me.  No!  Some walk/runners did pass by, now running instead of walking.  I ran some but then opted for more of a fast walk for most of the race.  Finally the first mile marker came. 

After the first mile we were running through Disney’s Wild World of Sports complex. There were shady spots, interesting landscaping, we ran on the walkways through the complex, and at one point we even ran in an arena. I could feel the difference of the track and the walkways.  It felt different.  It was a lot of fun walk/running on the track part of the race. I would most likely never get a chance to be on an actually professional track again and it was an exciting highlight of this race for me.  Soon I saw the three mile marker and I realized that at some point my mind had actually gotten into the race and I was experiencing the feeling of being in a moment to moment place.  

Then just as in the beginning of the race, when the start of the race just happened, now I was crossing the finish line.  It just happened, I was crossing the finish line.  It was over.  I was doing it, now I did it!   I did it in 52 minutes and 11 seconds.  I was hoping for 40 minutes or less but this was my first 5k and I was happy just doing it.

Now we were leaving, it was still a beautiful morning although it was a little warmer.  Walking away from it I got that same feeling when something ends.  It is a nebulous feeling.  The moments blur together.  I was waiting to do it, then I was doing it, and then I did it. 

Then I did it.  I did my first 5K! 

My last few runs have been average.  I have been doing the usual four miles.  However with the heat and my being a little tired from not getting enough sleep I feel that I have not been able to do the usual walk one mile, and run three.  What I have been doing is walking one mile and walk/running three miles.  I’ll walk, then run as much as I can then walk and then run again.  While this is not the ideal I have been satisfied with it because I feel that I am still doing something, I am still progressing by just doing it. 

Also, I have experienced from my dance lessons years ago that one has to listen to one’s body.  “Listen to your body first.”  “Listen to your body first.”  This was a phrase that I would hear endlessly in dance class.  It was instilled in me that one has to be aware of how your body is feeling to avoid injuries.  An injury can set one back for months.  If one is tired or preoccupied with thoughts, you can’t focus.  I experienced crashing once, because I lost focus and I never want that to happen again.  So if I feel tired I think it is best, for me, not to push myself.  If I feel my thoughts drifting as I am running I tell myself to focus on the trail.  To stay in the “hear and now” moment.  That is another phrase I kept hearing in dance class over and over and over again, “here and now,” “here and now,” ”stay in the moment, be here and now.”

There have been some highlights on these walk/runs.  The wonder of nature is exquisite, and I have been fortunate to see some special moments.  One morning I saw a deer.  It was young as it still had its markings.  It stood sliently on the side of the trail, I am sure it spotted us and it just kept looking for awhile and then just turned and darted away, with its tail held high in the air, into the forest.  It was wonderful watching it darting in the forest, and then he/she vanished into the green.    The other day I saw a baby tortoise.  It was only about two or three inches in diameter. It was happily munching on the grass on the side of the trail.  I stood and watched him/her for awhile and then we looked at each other.  I went my way and he/she continued doing its tortoise thing.  I also saw a hawk flying through the trees, heard many birds, and saw some butterflies flutter by. 

So these seeminly average runs have been far from average.  The Forest always gives so much!   

My last two runs were good.  I ran three miles and walked one on Thursday.  I ran two miles and walked two today.  I could have run three miles today but I needed to walk and let myself relax and feel the wonders of nature.  I have always turned to nature when I needed solace and today I just needed some quiet time and find a quite space within myself.  I kept thinking I should run the last mile but stopped myself every time I started to do so because I did not want to focus on running I just needed to be, there in the moment, with nature.  I learned the hard way, by crashing and taking a big fall at the end of my first walking/running event, that when one runs one has to focus on the running.  I will never make that mistake again hopefully so when I start running I remind myself to focus on the trail.   The running part now seems to be easier, I seem to have found an even steady pace.  I want to get to a point where I feel strong at this pace and then work up a faster speed bit by bit. 

Walking back I just let myself be, taking deep breaths, relaxing into the moment.  Looking into the distance of the forest and listening to the stillness. I heard the cooing of a bird, which I usually hear at a specific point.  I don’t know if it is a dove or the hooting of an owl, or something else.  I am not that well versed in the specific sounds of different birds.  It is interesting to me that I hear that sound at the same specific place quite frequently when I run.  I assume that there must be a nest in one of the trees at that specific spot.  It is always a good feeling when I hear it, knowing that this little bird is still there. 

My Thursday run had two interesting twists for me.  I found the top of an acorn, an “acorn hat”.  Now this is no big deal, I suppose but seeing it there on the trail I just picked it up and then a flood of childhood memories entered my mind.  Thoughts of walking in Lyon’s Park, in Port Chester, NY., with my mother and our dog Rex.  Finding acorns, horse chestnuts,  pine cones.   Making necklaces and “jewlery” and Christmas decorations out of them.   It amazed me that a little thing,  like picking up an acorn top could trigger these memories that seemed to be long forgotten.  

My second interesting twist was quite different.  As I was walking up the trail an athletic runner passes me and yells out “Your cologne smells lovely.”  Lost in my thoughts I automatically throw out my “Hi” greeting, as I do to anyone passing me, while simultanneously taking in his words thinking  ”What did he say?   Did he just say what I thought he did?”    It made me laugh.   It also made me wonder, I hope I didn’t put too much on. LOL 

I don’t know why I thought it was so funny or so out of context to hear that on the trails but I did.  

It made me smile and that felt good.  I wondered what other moments I will encounter on the trails.

My last two runs showed me how every day events and one’s psychology can affect the outcome of one’s run. Wednesday’s run turned out to be a four mile walk.  It was extremely hot and humid so to be fair I cannot totally attribute my psychology and lack of sleep the night before to my performance.  However everything added up.  The weather, my extreme tiredness because of a sleepless night and all the issues running through my mind.  

As I pushed through the weight of the hot humid air thoughts were racing, thoughts were the only things runing this day. However as I pushed into the hot air there was a feeling of peace.  A place of solace.  I could feel the energy of the forest I started to become aware of my surroundings.  I started hearing the forest and seeing all the different shades of green which always amaze me.  Soon I was cooling off on the little green bench.  A happy place where one can watch crazy little ants doing their ant thing.  Living their ant lives.  Sometimes a butterfly comes by, a dog barks, a woodpecker’s pecking can be heard.   I know I didn’t run my usual run but I was here, a feeling of contentment envelopes me. 

Friday’s run was totally different.  Thursday was a wonderful day and I was filled with energy, although I was tired. I actually did not think that I would have a very good run because I really felt a bit tired.  I was planning to only run two miles and walk two miles.  Doing the usual alternating walk one, run one.  However my psychology was great.  I was happy.  I guess happiness is a great energizer because as I started to walk the trail, the walk turned into a run and I ran and ran and ran the entire four miles without stopping even for a drink of water.  I felt like I could run forever.  

I never thought that I could do that.  I know that this was a special day and that I should not push myself to do this every time especially in the heat.  However I have felt what it is like, when a runner says that they “feel like they could run forever,” and I have something to aspire to.

 Two runs.  A four mile walk.  A four mile run.  They were both great because each brings me one step closer.   

It started out like any Sunday, it was warm and humid.  I always look forward to going out on the trails, I have worked up to doing a walk/run of four miles.  I walk up one mile then run back a mile then walk up the third mile and walk back the fourth.  I have been happy with this because only a short while ago I couldn’t even run the triangular turn-about at the end of the mile.  The first time I tried to run around the little triangle patch of grass the back of my legs cramped and I felt sure I could never run.  I would just walk at the end of the pack.  Then one day something happened and I ran one mile and walked three, then I ran two and walked two.  This has been the pattern. 

Last Sunday the pattern broke.  I was not planning it, I did not even think about doing it.  I started my normal first mile walk.  I looked out into the forest enjoying the stillness,  taking in the forest air and then I got the urge to run.  I don’t know where that thought came from it was just there so I started to run.  I ran the first mile then I ran back the second mile, walked back the third mile and ran the fourth mile.  Albeit, it was not a speedy run but it was a run.  I had run three miles!!! For me that was an accomplishment and I felt astonished that I did it. 

Sitting on the little green bench after the walk/run and cooling down,  I felt a moment.  I felt happiness.